As a psychic and an overall non-conformist (I’m married with kids, queer, and polyamorous), I’ve been working towards deconstructing what I know about love and separating it from how I structure a relationship.

I love to love people. 

ANNNND, I’ve been guilty, more than one or a dozen times, of forcing meaning and contingencies onto my love and thus becoming totally fried when my version of love wasn’t returned to me the way I imagined. Over numerous relationships, the highs have been high, and the lows have been low due to my attachments around love and how it affects my sense of identity. I like to think I’ve put that practice behind me now. 

After years of being in non-traditional relationships, I’ve observed that successful unions tend to happen when all parties know what they need and want in the relationship and don’t just assume love will take care of the details. 

If we acknowledged love as a unique and sacred entity that is infinite and treated the other parts of a relationship as something chosen off of an a-la-carte menu—we might be able to custom-build something new and beautiful with another human—no more assumptions or unquestioned expectations. 

Sex, commitment, friendship, monogamy, parenthood, homeownership—add these to your relationship if you want, and treat each item as its own project. 

When you peel away the “shoulds” and fears associated with love, the judgments on friends, partners, yourself, and the relationships themselves tend to melt away. 

Ponder these prompts to help you define your unique love and relationship style.

1. The vibration of love, purely on its own, feels like____________. Brainstorm! What do you love without any expectations? A pet or a beautiful spot is a good place to find that feeling. 

2. I love ________ ! (your crush goes here) which means I choose to meet them exactly where they’re at without trying to change them or myself. I exist at the vibration of love and offer to share that vibration with this person. I maintain my own space and sense of self regardless of how they react to my love. I can still love them even if they don’t want to love me back or our relationship ends (this one’s tough, I know.)

3. Now. If you’d like, the two of you can add other items from the relationship menu to your dynamic, but your love is not contingent on these projects’ success or failure (I call these concepts projects because they need maintenance, care, and management).
   • Toss in some add-ons!
     • A level of commitment that makes sense to both parties.
     • Physical and non-physical intimacy that is mutually agreed upon. 
     • Intellectual stimulation that is fulfilling. 
     • And so on…..sky’s the limit! 

4. Start building your unique personal relationship menu. What components do you want to have in your relationships? (Remember this is ala carte—not everyone you have a relationship with needs to have all the items on their plate). 

Hope this helps, my friend!

I’m an optimist; I like to think that we can pull off more love and less isolation as a species. We might have less heartbreak if love can have more space and permission to just be itself and nothing else. 

Love,
Three

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Blog written by Three Brodsky , a Boulder Psychic Institute student and staff member. Three handles social planning, marketing, student support, and is the BPI Love & Relationship Psychic.