*A note on pronouns: If I’m unclear of anyone’s gender in the conversation, I’ll default to they/them pronouns.*
Dear Love Psychic: Why am I stuck on this person who I consider my soulmate but we are not together?
Dear Burst Expectations: Ok. I’m going to rip the bandaid off—but don’t worry, it’ll be fine.
There’s no such thing as a soulmate.
BUT here’s the good news that I can personally back up: there are magical, beautiful, amazing, fun, sexy relationships to be had with people in affinity with you and your life that you get to choose to be with! PHEEEEW. Romance and chemistry are all real. Magic is real. You create a vibration of love and romance within yourself—then you invite someone to join you in that vibration.
The problem with the soulmate narrative is that you’re incomplete until you meet your other half. Our souls are 100% valid as is.
Soulmate theory, as I like to call it, sets relationships up with sky-high expectations. It takes away choice and reasonable relationship agreements. If you’re SOULMATES, it’s a lil too easy to assume that your relationship will be effortless and magical at all times and that that person will be EXACTLY who you need and want—cuz they’re your soulmate after all! We choose a person as our partner and choose to love them in the present. This is a chosen beloved vs. some dude that the universe decided would complete you.
When I look at your situation psychically, I see how excited you are about this relationship; there is a sweet, playful energy in your space, but then it all bursts, like a giant piece of pink Hubba Bubba gum. Here’s the thing tho—your disappointment comes not so much from the fact that the two of you are not together but from the frustration of the idea that you somehow messed up and lost your soulmate.
When you were together, it looks like you lose your sense of self and identity around them. There is an unspoken agreement that this person will be your other half, complete you, hold you up, help create you…..only this totally overwhelms them. That’s a lot of pressure for one person to manage!
The reason you’re feeling stuck is that you’re still attached to the idea that this person is your other half, aka soulmate. You’re still trying to find your sense of self via this relationship—only your crush isn’t exactly showing up to this dance.
The next step I see for you is fascinating. You are a pine tree in a forest coming into spring: crisp air, snow melting, blue sky, roots extending down into the earth. You are in the perfect place doing what pine trees do—growing and being majestic!
The message is so clear: Gurl, get grounded and grow into yourself. Yay, that’s a fun job! Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? What kinds of relationships do you want to have? Start dreaming these things up. Will your crush join you at some point—I dunno. That is for them to decide (cuz they have free will and all). But I know that when you view yourself as whole and complete, and source a sense of love from within, you will create an energetic signature that will attract all kinds of love and abundance.
Blog written by Three Brodsky,
Three has a unique perspective as a psychic and as someone who’s married with two kids, a member of the Queer community, and polyamorous. Finding new ways to create space for more love, community, and connection is her passion. Submit your love and relationship question to: firstname.lastname@example.org