*A note on pronouns: If I’m unclear of anyone’s gender in the conversation, I’ll default to they/them pronouns.*
Dear Love Psychic: As best as I can tell, I am entirely blocked from communicating with him. It has been 11 days. I’m devastated. Past physiological and emotional symptoms of abandonment are making me anxious and ill.
Dear Hurting & Cut Off: Being in the dark is a lonely and confusing place to be. I’ve been there! When someone stops communicating with you in an abrupt manner and closes down any further communication, it feels like being plunged into a pool of ice water with a blindfold on. Finding your way to a calm and clear mindset takes patience and trust in yourself.
My formula for dealing with abandonment or confusion:
Step One – Help your nervous system to chill the F out:
You know your body best; check in with yourself daily and give your body what it needs. Whether you run anxious or tend to just shut down and block it all out, *authentic self-care is essential to getting your thoughts and emotions under control. *(think healthy foods, rest, exercise, sunlight, vs. strictly pedicures and white wine).
Step Two – Challenge your negative thoughts:
Examine the stories and narratives that are going through your mind and decide if they’re your truth or not. This practice is an essential tenet of what we teach at the BPI. When I was in a similar situation, my core fear that was being triggered was that love is super fragile and can just end for reasons outside of my control. This thought is not true—when I believed it, I suffered more.
Step Three – Find your autonomy again:
You mentioned that you’ve gone back and forth between thinking that you are supposed to be together or are not meant to be together. Note how you don’t have any choice in those statements. It’s as if an invisible cosmic force is deciding who you’re going to date. I know the idea of soulmates is super romantic and alluring, but ultimately YOU decide who your beloved will be, not the universe. If the person you chose can’t meet your relationship needs, it’s up to you to determine how to proceed. Getting trapped in the mindset of, “this is SUPPOSED to be,” will only further disempower you.
Step Four – Be love:
Choose to stay in a loving mindset. When I was in the dark with a person very dear to me, I found peace and healing through staying committed to my love for that person no matter what.
Lemme explain. Love is a vibration; relationships are projects that take maintenance and intention and go one way or another. By putting love in a separate container than the relationship, I let go of my fear that love can just end. I get to keep being in the vibration of love because I choose that vibration. H O W E V E R, I still maintained my own relationship standards and was prepared to end the relationship if it couldn’t meet my needs.
Freedom from my anxiety and pain came through radical acceptance and love for myself, for the other person, and for the healing work that I was now aware I needed to do. I was better able to see my part in the situation and have more compassion for what they were going through.
Relationships, unfortunately, can end, but accepting the end of a union in a vibration of love helps usher in healing and renewal. This approach also leaves a door open for the relationship to begin anew if you both choose that.
When I look psychically at your situation, I see an image of you wrapped in barbed wire…which unfortunately isn’t going to help you heal or find peace right now. Learning how to self protect in ways that don’t end up hurting and alienating yourself is another blog post altogether—but try and examine ways that you’re attempting to shield yourself from more pain that may just be doing the opposite.
Remember that this isn’t all about you. When I look at your person (we’ll call him Bolt), he appears to be very scared by what’s going on in his life and looks to be having a pretty rough go of it himself. He’s showing me an image of him falling down a winding flight of stairs. So he just can’t right now. Can’t show up, can’t communicate, can deal, can’t anything….cuz he’s not even on two feet right now. So, the big question is, can you still be love in this situation?
When I look at what would help you on your healing journey, I see you exploring and nurturing your creative feminine erotic energy independent of anyone else. I see an abundance of lush green energy in your space that is fertile ground for your own divine feminine magic. This energy was part of you before Bolt and will continue to thrive if you choose it—even if he’s not in the picture.
Right now it looks like you’re in the process of finding a part of yourself that was lost and forgotten. You’re reforming this part that felt broken into something different, more intentional, intricate, and valuable.
You’re showing me an image of reaching your hand way down into the sand and pulling out a small old plastic toy that had been lost, beat up, and worn down. You carved the little green toy into a beautifully intricate flower. It was remarkable.
Blog written by Three Brodsky (aka King Three). Three is the BPI Love & Relationship Psychic. She has a unique perspective as a psychic and as someone who’s married with two kids, a member of the Queer community, and polyamorous. Finding new ways to create space for more love, community, and connection is her passion.
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