Handlettering "You are amazing." on notebook paper.

Self-validation isn’t easy. Honestly, this is one concept I struggle with more than any other… Especially when things seem to start going wrong all over the place. My immediate response is to go into self-blame. I’ve done a lot of personal healing work on this, re-training my brain to at least attempt self-validation; but it’s a pattern that hasn’t completely gone away yet.

Last week, I got caught in the self-blame loop again. Windshield cracked? Hip popped out of place? Scraped my finger on a door? Cramps? “Something has GOT to be wrong with me.”

That’s, at least, how my brain responded.

So when I sat in a team meeting on Thursday feeling all self-blamey and our group assignment for the day was to validate our fellow co-workers, I was grateful for a chance to put my mean, internal dialogue on pause. In that meeting, I replaced self-blame with gratitude for all the amazing people I work with. We didn’t have a lot of time, so I scribbled paragraphs of validation as fast as I could — giving as much detail and as many heartfelt compliments as I could in the time allotted.

By the end of it, I felt like a new person. I didn’t even need to read the compliments my coworkers gave me to feel revitalized. I had broken the self-blame pattern by validating other people in my life.

If you struggle with self-validation, self-appreciation, or self-compliments like I do, try validating those around you. The more detailed or specific you can be the better, but even a small compliment to someone else can go a long way: for them and for you.

 

Blog written with love by Christina Marie Dunlap. In addition to her work with the Boulder Psychic Institute, Christina has her own Clairvoyant Reading and Healing practice.  Check out her website at www.christinamarie.com.

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